High-conflict parenting situations can feel overwhelming. Disagreements between parents—whether about schedules, routines, or decision-making—can quickly escalate into hostility. Unfortunately, when communication turns toxic, children are often the ones who suffer the most. One practical solution is learning the BIFF method, a communication approach developed by conflict-resolution expert Bill Eddy. BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. It is a simple yet powerful strategy that helps parents keep conversations calm, respectful, and focused on the child.
The BIFF method works by giving parents a clear framework for handling messages, emails, or conversations with a co-parent who may be argumentative or accusatory. A BIFF message is brief, avoiding unnecessary details that could lead to more conflict. It is informative, sticking to the facts without opinions or judgments. It is friendly, maintaining a polite tone even when the other parent is hostile. And it is firm, closing the communication in a way that does not invite endless back-and-forth. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always late, and you clearly don’t care about how this affects the kids. You’re selfish and unreliable,” a BIFF message would be, “Pickup is confirmed for 5:00 pm at the usual location. Thank you.” The second message communicates what is necessary while avoiding blame or emotional escalation.
This approach is highly effective in high-conflict parenting because it reduces emotional reactions and prevents conversations from spiraling out of control. It also keeps communication child-focused, rather than personal, and provides a record of professionalism that courts and mediators respect. Parents who practice BIFF gain a reliable tool they can use every day, whether they are exchanging schedules, discussing school updates, or handling unexpected changes.
High-conflict parenting does not have to mean endless arguments and stress. The BIFF method provides a practical, easy-to-learn way to keep communication respectful, concise, and centered on what matters most: the well-being of your child.
Take the Next Step
If you are struggling with conflict in your co-parenting relationship, help is available. Enroll today in our High-Conflict Parenting Class to begin learning proven strategies for healthier communication, reduced conflict, and stronger child-centered parenting.